More Please!!! (Happy where I am. Eager for More.) inspired by Abraham-Hicks
It was at our Dream Big gathering the other day that I realized it.
I, along with two other women, have been meeting for over a year now, once a month, taking turns sharing our dreams, our creative plans, sharing whatever seems like it fits our personal Dream Big Vision of the moment. Twenty minutes each we share, while the other two listen, while the other two hold the space for our dreams to grow. And it is amazing how our dreams have grown and our process has softened, how we three have realized that we don’t need to lay it all out, plan our next steps, how we don’t need to work so hard, that it is not up to us to figure out the “How’s”, that we can relax and enjoy the journey.
So this month, I listened. I savored my fellow dreamers’ stories and reflections. I felt inspired, and satiated with the abundance of their living. But I didn’t feel like bursting. I didn’t feel like bursting, even when it was my turn to share. But I plunged in anyway. I took a deep breath and began. I said that I thought I was in “a soaking in” place, a place of letting this summer of packed-in loveliness sink into my bones. I was about two minutes into my twenty, when I realized that it wasn’t exactly a lie I was telling myself. It was true that it has been a summer of abundance and I am soaking it in: We sold the family cottage in Maine to a young couple with kids who will breathe new life into its tired bones. I traveled to Barcelona and France and cheered on the Boys-on-Bikes. I climbed in the Rockies, ate lobster with siblings on my brother’s deck in Maine. I sat with my ninety-two year old mother in her new room that she now calls home and sat on the beach on the shores of Superior and witnessed a lovely young couple sharing their wedding vows while the waves blew against the sand and the fog enveloped us.
It was misty magic and clear bright sun, this summer of abundance. I hiked almost every day on the same path, watched the ferns unfurl and the wild iris blossom, watched June flowers fade into the fruits of July and August. Joy Center hosted a baby shower for my friend and her newborn who live in Uganda. And this summer, the Joy Center walls sang and we made books and stretched in yoga. We created art and wrote and played hard and we, as a tribe celebrated three years of Joy Center joy in this community. I wasn’t lying. I have loved this summer. I have soaked it into my middle-aged skin and my appreciative bones, and, and . . .
. . . and this was my aha. It’s not enough for me to soak in the moments, to rest in their glory. After a short basking and a deep sigh, I am ready to move on. Two minutes into my sharing at Dream Big, I felt it, the bursting, the delicious dynamic stirring kind of bursting. The ferns that were unfurling in June are now parched brown. The nights are crisp. A new seasoning is beckoning me. When summer began, I had no idea I was going to climb the Alps, had no idea that a wedding on the beach would touch me so deeply. I had no idea that I could feel so good at a Joy Center anniversary party, that it truly could get better and better and better. So I said it out loud to my Dream Big Sisters. “I am restless.” I said it in a strong no-apology voice. So what if I am wiggler? So what if the wind and the waves call to me? So what if I know that even in stillness – even in those treasured moments of quiet and there were many this summer, in yoga and on the rocks writing and in a motorhome in the French Alps – there is a slight breeze of breath, a ray of light flickering through our veins, there is movement in the stillness, forward motion. “I like my restless spirit,” I said. I said it in a loud restless excited voice. It was liberating to admit it. It was empowering.
So what is ahead for this new season? I created a book in a workshop at Joy Center’s Anniversary Party, and, on its cover, I pasted the words from a yoga ad – Open to Possibility. I am open to possibility. And, I know some things, that I look forward to Joy Center play this autumn, look forward to slipping into my new Lululemon sweatshirt and feeling the frost on my breath as I run my way on my same familiar trail. I know that I want new adventures, too, that I want to be the story-telling traveler, to share my musings and reflections, my stories and enthusiasm, on stage and off as I travel the globe. I know I want to open to what is even better-feeling than I could be imagining. I know that it feels good to breathe into this moment, this day, and to know that this day holds the seeds of what is still to come. More please!!!